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Back to Miami

A month of unforgettable fantastic fairy tale moments and now I am back to reality. Back to the suburbs of adulthood, the unfathomable reality of life. I've been on a brim since I got back, trying to prepare for the unforeseeable future that lies ahead.

I am quite aware how the future is ever changing and it never goes as planned .. and it never will.. A friend of mine once said that we should decide things as they are. That we decide important things when the probability of it being there is evident, but I can't. Through a very painful experience, I honestly learned my ultimate lesson. I do not want to go too down in dumps anymore where the probability of drowning is anticipated. 

People ask me why I have a lot of questions.. why I think a lot.. why I want to plan for the unforeseeable things.. Simple, because you did not experience the way I did..

When I planned to travel to Canada in the hopes of seeing the world and to study, I never had "what ifs" on my mind. I never planned for what lies ahead. I never even thought that I will be left alone behind, I do not have any questions and was so optimistic of the results, I was too confident .. I both have money and a couple of relatives to support me there.. there was no way that I wouldn't be approved.. I was too self-assured..

and when the embassy told me that  my application was denied. I went down... I shut myself off to the world.. and the rest was history..

The half million pesos my parents spent didn't come back in full.. 
My persistent friends and relatives asked me why..
I didn't eat for days..
I cried always.. 
I didn't go out of my room because I was too down.. 
The pain was so excruciating that I cannot handle it.. 

Seems like a story you only see in drama series huh?..  but its true..

Thankfully. I survived because of frequent prayers and my family's support. When I went back on my knees, I promised to myself that I will always plan and be prepared for the rainy days, so that if I ever encounter a humongous wave again, at least I am able to swim... to at least survive...



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